Saturday, May 29, 2010
I was sooo looking forward to seeing Hannah after her being in the hospital for a month and only being able to talk to her on the phone! When we talk to her on the phone every day, she is always so happy to talk with us, telling us how much she loves and misses us! I was not really expecting the reaction I got from her when I actually saw her at the hospital yesterday morning. She was basically speechless when she saw me, just staring at me. When I ran over to give her a hug and kiss and tell her how much we loved and missed her, she pulled away and said "No!!" Although it is totally understandable, as children do not see and know the whole picture. Much like us with our Father! They don't realize that all this was done for her benefit (actually not my choice to leave her there for an entire month, though!). This surgery would give her the benefits of good health that she needs to lead a long healthy life. Only in her eyes all she knew and saw was that I abandoned her there. I took her to the hospital, didn't come back to see her (although she didn't realize I was not allowed to visit her). With the previous abandonment issue not more than a year or so ago, it was still so fresh in her memory. I'm quite sure she was feeling that all over again!! My heart goes out to her and the pain she must be feeling. She was clearly mad and trying her best to make me jealous. She'd purposely hug and kiss all the others who'd come, Grace,Karen,and the ayi (auntie) staying with her.
Instead, she hit and pinched me. I'd even printed pictures of each family member and sent them with her in a small album. She went through naming each person, tapped me on the arm to get my attention, looked me in the eye, then threw them on the floor and stomped on them. I guess that's just how she was feeling about her family who'd all abandoned her!! She clearly wanted a reaction out of me and all I could do was look at her and smile knowing the pain she was feeling. We knew this would be hard on her going to the hospital without her mom or other family member, but she didn't know we weren't allowed to go due to the fact that we are a foreigner and would have too many communication issues. No one realized it would take an entire month before she'd even have surgery, being in a small room with 3 other patients, with little to do (playing with the same few toys I'd sent day after day) but lie there and think about her family abandoning her! The worst part is that when mom does show up, she has surgery--something else she didn't want to do that was very painful for her! She was clearly overwhelmed. I can't imagine going through that as an adult without a loved one close by, but as a child, how much more scary!! We were only able to see her before surgery, not after recovery nor while she is in ICU. Absolutely no visitors are allowed, not even a nanny. Our hearts go out to her but believe that once she gets back home in 7-10 days, she will be on the mend again not only physically, but emotionally too. The doctors stated that due to her case being so complicated and long, they expected her to be in ICU longer than the average 3 days. I pray they are wrong and she is out in only a day or two. We've had several others prove them wrong when they said at least a week, were out in only 1 or 2 days!! Lets lift her up and agree that her stay in ICU and the hospital being much shorter than expected totally amazing the doctors. This also often gives us opportunity to explain the real reason for our children's unexplained miracles and success stories! I was able to take several pictures and some videos of her before her surgery. Enjoy!